Happy Birthday In Heaven

I want to dedicate this blog post to some very special fighters.

For my Father. For Easton. For Alexandra McCreath. For Kyron. For Liam.  For Penny. For September 11th losses.

“ Grief may be a thing we all have in common. It isn’t just death we have to grieve, It’s life. It’s loss. It’s change. And when we wonder why it has to suck so much sometimes, has to hurt so bad, the thing we have to try and remember is that it can turn on a dime. That’s how you stay alive. When it hurts so much you can’t breathe, that’s how you survive. Remember that one day, somehow, impossibly, it wont hurt this much. Grief comes at it’s own time for everyone. In it’s own way. The really crappy thing, the worst part about grief, is you can’t control it. The best we can do is let ourselves feel it when it comes. And let it go when you can. The very worst part is that the minute you think your past it, it starts right over again. And always, every time, it takes your breath away.” -Greys Anatomy

As a lot of you know, two years ago, October 29th, I lost my father, my daddy, my hero. Not only did I lose my father, My children lost their Grandfather, my Grandmother lost her son, my Aunts lost their brother, my cousins lost their Uncle, and LOTS of friends and family lost a remarkable human being in their life- My father, Jay Logue.

(This image was taken in December 2008, two weeks before my father was diagnosed with Colon Cancer.)

I would like to help remember my father on his birthday, by sharing the eulogy I wrote and read at his memorial service.

Looking out I see many family and friends. It is such a healing gift to be surrounded by your love for my father. Thank you for coming and showing my family and me that my father holds a special place in your heart. I know my father will always be nearby, because of the memories stored within you.

My dad took a journey, and he took it with such grace. In the last 20 months, my dad showed me courage, he showed me he could endure much pain, physically and mentally; he showed me dignity is suffering. Most importantly, he showed me how to live, and now he showed me how to die. My dad was a fighter, and even though he made a conscious decision not to fight anymore, subconsciously, he never gave up fighting. He fought right to the very end. I especially saw that this week. After 12 days at hospice, my mind, eyes and heart were full of my dad’s journey. Then on October 29th, he finally allowed himself to fall into the arms of god. I know his family on the other side was waiting for him, with arms wide open.

It was a long and brave journey made whole.

(This was my dad's 60th birthday party, his last birthday spent with us here on earth.)My father was mine and my sister’s hero. He was always so strong in our eyes, ever since we were little girls. He was pretty much the coolest dad ever. At family get-togethers, he would always sit at the “kids table” with Leah, Darin, Benny, and I and steal the whipped cream jar off the dessert table, and squirt whipped cream into all our mouths.  He was the dad that would handcuff my sister and I to the staircase so we couldn’t beat each other up anymore. He was the dad that would buy us new toys all the time, really just so he could play with them too. He was the dad that rented a minivan and took all of mine and Leah’s friends to the backstreet boy’s concert, windows spray painted “WE LOVE THE BACKSTREET BOYS,” and he drove that van around with no shame. He was the dad that came to visit us at college, and beat all of Leah’s friends in Beer Pong. Yes, he was that dad.

My father loved unconditionally, it didn’t matter what you did or didn’t do. It didn’t matter what opinion you held, or if you rode a motorcycle or not. My dad loved, and was loved. We will see you dad, yes we will see you in the eyes of our grandchildren. We will see you in all of those that loved you. We will see you in the memories that are stored in our hearts. We will hear you in the stories that are told and retold and remain vivacious for eternity.Dad, I can see you in the eyes of those gathered here, of the many familiar faces. I see you greeting them with your gentle smile and your soft voice. We will see you dad, and oh how you will be missed.  

Happy Birthday Daddy!!!!!!! This is your second birthday in heaven. A tradition we started last year, on your birthday Dad, is we send red balloons up to you in heaven, with the kids, to remember and celebrate you! 2 balloons this year, to signify your second birthday in heaven. Red, because it was your favorite color of course ;) ♥ ♥ ♥

Maren still remembers, and I think this is just as special to her as it is to my husband and I. Zane will grow to know you from the constant stories told, and the pictures that surround us of you everyday.  As we sang you happy birthday, I could see the twinkle in Maren's eyes, that she could feel you too♥ Dad, you are our angel watching over us, and I miss you like crazy every single day. ♥ ♥ ♥

This is a week of mourning, of remembering, of praying and of trying to stay strong for a LOT of us. . This week I was also introduced to a new story, of a boy, who has been missing since 2010, and shares the same exact birthday with my father. I learned that every year on his birthday, the whole world (who follows Kyron) releases red balloons to him.

Here is the message I received on September 9th:

"Brooke,

I saw your post about your dad. 2 years ago a very special little boy, from where I'm from, disappeared. His case has never been solved and only his abductor knows where or how he is.

Today is his 10th birthday. To celebrate, friends and family through out the country have been letting off red balloons(his favorite). If he is still alive, than your dad has gotten A LOT more balloons. If not, I take comfort in knowing that he is with your dad right now, and that they are celebrating together.Thank you, for sharing not only your beautiful photography, but your story as well."

This story really hit home for me. Not sure if it is because Kyron has been gone for two years like my father, and shares the same exact birthday. Not sure if it is because I am a mother, and I could never ever even fathom what this family is going through. Not sure if it is the red balloons. All I hope for, is that my father is watching over him and helps him to come back home, soon.

Kyron disappeared on the morning of June 4, 2010 from his school, Skyline School in Portland Oregon.  He was 7 years old and has been missing for over 2 years now. He turned 10 years old September 9, 2012.

Follow his story on his FACEBOOK PAGE, and keep updated, and most importantly help keep your eyes out for Kyron!! From now on, every year, I will not only be releasing red balloons for my father, but for Kyron too.